Retaining Human Interest

Humans are curious by nature. We tend to get bored with the familiar. We need enjoyment to retain interest. Many relationships break down because the couple feels bored with the relationship. It is so easy to slip into a rut with the same routine. There seems to be a dichotomy between craving enjoyment and yet being creatures of habit and routine. Have you ever wondered why most new romantic relationships are so exciting to begin with, but lose its luster as time goes on? So what is the magic formula for retaining human interest? Yes, there is such a formula! It seems that human interest is retained when there is a balance between fun / enjoyment and being challenged.

Think of a game for just a minute. Let's say the game is really fun and enjoyable. How long do you play the game if it is not challenging; you master it in just a few minutes? How long do you play the game if it is too challenging; no matter how hard you try you just can not do it? In order to retain human interest the game has to be balanced in providing both fun / enjoyment and a challenge. Relationships are no different. The magic formula is in place in most new romantic relationships. We enjoy each other and have fun together. But it does not end there. There is a challenge to understand each other, to figure each other out, to balance pursuing the relationship but not being too forward. There is a challenge to get him / her. People who play the "hard to get" game are simply providing a challenge. As a relationship matures we often break the fun and enjoyment because the relationship no longer holds any challenges. Things become too predictable and easy. If you would like to retain your spouse's interest it is imperative to provide both fun / enjoyment and a challenge (positive challenges). These tips may help:

· Do something challenging together; something out of your comfort zone;

· Explore the new together; tastes, looks (yes, your look or style), places, etc;

· Talk about things you never talk about;

· Be more spontaneous and daring in your relationship;

· Instead of answering questions directly, make him / her work a bit to get the answer;

· Instead of blurting things out, give clues and make him / her guess.

Problems in a relationship mean that the challenges are too difficult or negative. Too much of a challenge leads to giving up. Too much fun / enjoyment without a challenge gets boring. Fun / enjoyment and providing a challenge must be balanced in order to retain human interest.

May I challenge you to provide a challenge to your spouse? Nurture a little mystery. Leave something hidden for him / her to discover. Keep him / her curious about you. Share a secret that you have never shared before. Play relational games with each other.

Source by Pierre F. Steenberg, Ph.D., D. Min.

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